I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
