Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
