we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
