i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
