I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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