Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
