drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
