she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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