Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
