it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
