last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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