"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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