Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
