so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's official drugs can't kill me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
