If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
