i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize