i just made my gag reflex go away.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
