I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize