and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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