I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
