I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
