My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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