I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
