end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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