He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
