She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize