why didn't you poke me back
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
