I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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