I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
