Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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