yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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