Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
