The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
