He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize