Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
