Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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