Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
PANTIES FOUND
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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