I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
