don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize