he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize