real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize