She's JV to your varsity
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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