Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
