Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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