My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
