where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
