so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
