absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
