he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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