So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
