I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
