This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
