he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
