people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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