Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
