You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
