i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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