All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
