So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
