it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize